The Mother in all of us...
This week my eldest became 16 years. Oh my… What a journey that has been! Reflecting back gave me great insights and wisdom. It made me realize from how truly far I have come and the gratitude and thankfulness for the magical, wise, giant, smart, kind, balanced, relaxed and amazing man my son is today…
I was 23 when pregnant of him and I felt not ready and had no idea what it would be to become a new mom. I read whatever I could read, did a pregnancy course and dropped out of University, because I didn’t want to be walking around with a big belly. I was ashamed and at that time the only student and the only one among my friends who was pregnant.
I was not so conscious at that time in my life, but this changed fast after my son was born. At 37 weeks I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and they told me I was really sick. My body was sick and we were both in high risk. I needed to go immediately to the hospital, though I didn’t feel sick, only my legs were so swollen with fluids my ankles were “gone”, I couldn’t see my feet anymore and I gained 20 kilos already…So yes…that was not a good sign.
Mostly I was upset that because of this I missed MY babyshower! So you can imagine I was not so conscious and in touch with my body…
The actual birth… I will keep short. It was hell, traumatic and almost costed us both our lives.
I was not prepared at all for this and felt far from ready. I became a proactive mom who must protect her child, controlling and with a lot of self-sacrifice. That is what mothers do, right, is what I thought.
Everything for the baby…selfcare…boundaries…selflove…sleeping when the baby sleeps…Nope. None of that!
I must be strong, going on, beyond myself, not weening and straight back to work after 3 months (which was normal in the Netherlands back then).
Two years late I was home, with a burnout and my son mirrored me, but made me keep going out into nature, moving, to realize what the hell I was doing…
It has been a journey and I needed to learn a lot of lessons to go onto another path. A path of self-awareness, body consciousness, healing, radical powerful love and so much more.
My motherhood started the hard and tough way and I have seen so many other moms struggle with it.
Where is the actual manual?!?!
I have seen the women who were not able to conceive according to the doctors and got pregnant. I have seen women who would do anything to have a baby and would never feel whole, complete and of meaning without a child. I have seen the miscarriages. I have seen women who didn’t want to have children and got them. I have seen mothers struggling with the same things as their neighbors. I have seen the competition between moms. I have seen mothers to animals. I have seen abuse, neglect and heartbreaks. I have seen the women who chose consciously not to become a mom. I have seen women with no children who were born mothers with huge hearts. I have seen the unwanted pregnancies. I have seen the jealousy. I have seen the dark circles under the eyes and masks and pretending and hiding. I have seen losses. I have seen the loneliness and hard work…
Is this normal? You start to believe it is… There are so many stories!
To be honest. You are a mother. You don’t become one. The mother is imprinted in your DNA and genes. Mother energy is in us women. It is nature. Though for every women this manifests itself differently.
What we need is sisterhood, understanding, a listening ear, free from judgments, support, acknowledgment, honesty, wise women, celebrating mothers (and not only on mothersday), openness, teachings, knowledge, nourishment, kindness, love, trust, healing the wounds & heartbreaks, examples, appreciation, honoring, healing the collective conscious, the separation and so so much more…
Please honor yourself as your own mother and her mother may never have honored you.
Please be there for yourself as the most compassionate, divine, sacred, magical, amazing, intuitive, guiding, powerful, conscious, beautiful, understanding, patient and peaceful mother you could have ever imagined.
Ps. I have made 1001 Empowering Beliefs about Motherhood for you as a mp3 recording. You can listen to it at once (1.45 minutes) with headphones, while your are going to bed for example, or listen to it in parts. You will be guided into a theta brainwave and it includes energy healings, activations and clearings.
Download it here...
I see you.
Ciao for now,