Fulfillment versus the dark draining hole of unfulfillment...

"Only when you are truly energetic aligned to what you are here for, you will live a fulfilled life" 

Fulfillment is the feeling of being energetic, excited to wake up, you feel passionate, feeling empowered within, confident, believing in yourself, trust in yourself, powerful, conquer the world…I am here for a reason. 

And when you are aligned to that feeling of why you are here, that reason, you feel blessed and extremely happy from within. The feeling of that every cell in your body is happy. The feeling of deep meaning, having a purpose, being of service to others as well, clear vision… I have a clear vision why I am here, what I should do and how I should do it. That I am visible, that I share and speak my truth with what fulfills me. 

As women we can create so many reason not to do this. To get stuck in unfulfillment, because we simply are not aware what it exactly is we are feeling. For example when we are growing up there was not a lot of space to/ or room to really find out what made us happy within. Maybe your mom was really dominant. You felt suppressed. It's like you, your energy, your being was not allowed to be fully present. 

I have experienced this as well as a small girl. I was told to lower my voice. Don’t speak so much. Slow down. Behave. Don’t run. Don’t scream. Walk slower and more quiet when you go up the stairs. But you know what….I was always full of energy and excitement.
The more I was told this the more I started believing it and I started to condition myself with manners and beliefs that were not mine. I started to belief "Something was wrong with me". And that is exactly what I got back in my reality. Because I was sensitive and intuitive, I just could tell how others wanted me to behave. 

I got really conscious how I I behaved and how others reacted to that. Eventually I started to live those learned conditions (to please a lot!) to unlearn them as an adult. It felt extremely dark, empty and so unfulfilled. Like a dark draining hole. Away from myself, my core being, my authenticity and identity. 

At the same of all of this I had whispers within. Ideas. Dreams. Wishes. Desires.
It was a small whisper. They were important and they got louder and didn’t go away.
One of the biggest wishes I had as child is being a stylist. Being creative helped me so much when growing up and as a teenager to express everything that was inside of me. So after the whispers increased and I acted upon it. I went at age 17 to Amsterdam and started to study fashion and styling. I got so excited when I thought about it. 

I leaved my home town and went living by myself. The school was tough and though it was totally aligned at where I was at at that moment in my life. I was so proud of myself of doing this and it was like a good drug, full of endorphins and serotonins. I felt abundant, an amazing positive and good flow of positivity, moving forwards. 

When you are in such a way energetically aligned you are starting to meet people who can help you further. You will hear something that you need at that time. You will read something that gives you energy. Everything seems to go with ease and grace. It’s evolvement, learning, growing, expanding. A big feeling of fulfillment. 

The unfulfillment on the other hand, the missing piece, the dark hole.
The deep feeling within, missing information, you are not quite sure what it is. It’s there in your body, asking for attention. 
When we don’t listen and start looking for the answers and solutions outside of ourselves it gets worse. We seek distractions, maybe even addictions to suppress this shitty feeling inside. And eventually wakeup calls. 

What I have learned is to start embracing that feeling you don’t want to have. Allow it. Talk to it. Ask what it needs. Step by step. Layer by layer. 

I got you. I was there once and I can tell you from experience…the only way is inwards to eventually radiate your greatness outwards.

Ciao for now,
xxx Martina
ps. Check my masterclass around this topic with energy clearings and healings